My girlfriend (40f) and I (42m) have been together for a little over a year. The relationship started pretty much the opposite of all my past relationships: both of us were lukewarm on each other.
I didn’t feel much of a sexual desire towards her at the start but she is objectively attractive. I workout 6 days a week, am 6’3” and am I’ll say above average.
Anyway. Sex has from the very start been slow and infrequent. No passionate, insatiable period, no high frequency periods. Just occasionally (like once every few weeks). Which I thought was odd but chalked it up to us kinda being older or moving quickly past the “honeymoon phase” (not sure we had one). Anyway we live together and sex has basically become a once a month if I’m lucky situation. I’m fucking dying.
Even when we have sex it’s entirely on her terms. Only when she wants to. I feel like my desire for her has dried up as my love language is physical touch and words of affirmation and she is objectively not giving me either (words sometimes). She always makes me feel like she’s grossed out by me. Like she will smell me as if I’m smelly, or get annoyed when I want to cuddle and she gets uncomfortable. Like all my physical needs such as cuddling don’t happen at all. Zero. I feel like the woman in this relationship. Like she’s distant sexually and physically and I’m chasing for reassurance (and physical needs).
I’m dying. I have never cheated nor would I but I am starting to fantasize about sex more, dreaming about it more.
We have talked about it and she gets pretty defensive. But she did get some pills that supposedly stimulate her libido. That was a few months ago and she’s taken two pills (you can take them everyday…).
She has said that talking about it makes her want to have sex less and to give it time. I told her I will back off the issue but told myself that I will see how the next month goes. Also, giving time seems like BS because we’ve been in a relationship over a year. She did say her last relationship she barely had sex and I think she may think this is normal.
We traveled about 3 weeks ago and randomly she wanted to have sex two days in a row which has literally never happened in our year + relationship. No idea what to make of that. She said she gets horny when she travels???
Anyway, I think she’s fairly non sexual, not attracted to me and I’m kinda fucked as I love the hell out of her we live together and she’s my best friend.
Help
